The girls are slight behind me, so I’m going to try to make this as like us as I possibly can try not to wake them up. But I just wanted to come on here and just talk to you guys for a little bit, because I know I’ve been m.i.a which isn’t really that different to how I was before all of this but um. I guess Union. I guess welcome back again to estimate the last challenge he did wrestle scrap would say on the notification on bill dealing with such a public like matter.
Yes, silence is like more recognized but um yeah, but I’ll just come on hand. Just talk to you guys and kind of let you in on what’s been happening with me lately um. So please bear with me. I know I’m speaking super low uh-huh, because the kills are asleep behind me. I don’t want to wake them up, but um. I thought that I would just come on here and just like say thank you to everybody who has been reaching out and like showing me love. I really really appreciate that and those who have sent me messages and like shared, like their stories with me. I really really appreciate that and I’m grateful for that. I know that sometimes I make I’m a process like unrelatable, because I’m pretty private, I’m not like an open book like a lot of these social media people are – and you know it kind of works against me. Sometimes because people get the wrong idea and like the wrong image of me, but um yeah, I’ve just had so many people kind of make these like assumptions about me that I’m like old and I don’t care, I’m heartless and that’s so far from the truth, and I feel like, if you know me and if you’re a part of my life, you would definitely know that so far from the truth, um, I’m not here to like try and redeem myself or anything like that. But it’s kind of hurtful to say like these assumptions that oh you know she was just tired of the married life she wanted to go and live this single life, and I’m like what part of my life on camera or off camera has like.
Given the people, the impression that I’m not satisfied with that, especially the family part, this is where it gets kind of confusing, because if you know me, you know having a family is everything that I’d always wanted. This family life was everything that I’d always wanted. The cheesy Christmases, the dinners at the table like this was my dream, so it’s not something that I would easily walk away from. I think that, as a mum, the last thing that you want is for your children to grow up into your life. It’s like it’s, not it’s, not something that you walk into your marriage, thinking that that’s gonna be like where you’ll end up. So obviously the decision was not a very light one to make. You know motherhood can be hard. Sometimes it can be tough, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love every phase of it. I love every day of it. You know it’s what keeps me going so yeah for people to think that I would just walk away from that, because I want to get back into modeling or you know I want to have a hot girl summer like it’s just, not an attitude. I don’t know. I don’t know so. I’m currently my sister’s house – and I know a lot of you guys – were probably curious as to why I wasn’t staying at home and that’s because Hyrum is just so far away from everybody that I know like all my friends and all my family live on this Side, so it made more sense for me to be near them and just a being a support and just be surrounded by people who loved me and yeah. It’s been great like I’ve. I haven’t been as close to my family in years, so it’s been amazing. It’s kind of like a blessing in a way, so I’m super thankful for that So, as far as where I’ve been honestly guys, I’ve just been healing and taking my time to heal and I’m sorry that II felt like I just didn’t care, or I was being like standoffish like I don’t mean to come across that way.
But I feel like people deal with these things differently and, like I said like for me, if I’m going through Kealing or if I’m hurting or anything like that, like my first instinct, isn’t to pick up the camera and talk about it So I feel like it’s been a while now, so that’s it’s kind of okay for me to do that anyway I think that I’ve rambled long enough yeah, like I said this, hasn’t been an easy process It’s been so hard, but I’ve discovered new things about myself Every single day and I’ve discovered my strengths as well, which is not something that I really tap into that often so that’s been kind of nice Obviously, this is not something that it’s easy to get over It’s gonna take a long time and a lot of healing, but I will get there eventually so yeah bear with me I guess if I am NOT like posting all the time, please bear with me and just understand that it’s not because I’m a bitch it’s just because I just heal differently Okay, I mean it’s been difficult, but I also have a lot to look forward to as well like I’ve got a new place, so I’m really excited to move into there and the girls each have like their own bedrooms, and I can’t wait to decorate them and Just like have them all brand new and different, like Ava, was at the shops with me today and she’s like picked out her new bed and everything’s like completely different to her old bedroom So it’s gonna be interesting and exciting to like start this new chapter as well with the girls So I’m really looking forward to that It’s obviously not gonna be easy in the beginning, but I’m sure I will get the hang of it pretty fast and we’ll be okay, we’ll be fine but um Thank you again for everybody who’s reached out and showed me love I really appreciate it and yeah it doesn’t go I noticed I promise