Beauty today

What happened to me? + Back to making videos

30 Sep , 2019  

What’s up guys. Obviously a lot has changed in my life since the last time I posted by now. Most of you know Nicky and I have separated we’re living in different houses. Now – and he has her own house – I’m still living here realistically, I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be staying yeah. The the goal is to sell this house eventually, there’s still a lot of renovations to be done, though, still have to do the downstairs. Bathroom the laundry the upstairs on Sui we’ve got some structural stuff that we need to do outside.
So there’s still quite a bit of money that needs to be put into this house before we sell it. I guess the one upside to it is the kids have that familiarity when they they get to come over here. How am i doing I’m doing I’m doing all right, I’m getting through it like? I still have my good on my bad days. I don’t think anybody can go through a separation and just just be normal again. It’s it’s definitely been the hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through. In my life I was struggling and the beginning, and I ended up going to see a counselor who really really helped me. He helped me just just focus on the positive things in my life and and setting goals, which is something that I’ve been doing. A lot of honestly, if you’re going through something it doesn’t have to be a separation, it could be anything if you’re just just needing to process. What’s going on in your life or your emotions in general, I would highly recommend finding a good counselor, because this this guy, that that I’ve been seeing once a week. It’s it’s been. It’s been a saving grace my kids, also, a saving grace seeing them just just brings the joy back into my life they’re, my everything. There’s such a blessing. I’ve been just trying to see them as much as I possibly can the hardest part of all of this. To be completely honest, has been not being see them every single day, not being able to wake up to them every day, not getting to hear that dad our daddy and get those big hugs. Every time that I walk in the door yeah it’s hard walking into a big empty house, not hearing those voices. That’s that’s something that I’ve been struggling with. Obviously I can’t see them every day. That’s not a reality, given the fact that Nicki and I are separated they need to go between our homes but yeah, I’m just just trying to see them as much as I possibly can and while speaking of the kids I just want to, let you guys know.. I’ve made the decision that I don’t think it’s the right thing to do to talk about it.
I understand why a lot of people want answers. I understand why a lot of people are genuinely concerned, because I did bring you into my life and into my family. You guys are literally a part of the family and when you feel like a part of the family, it sucks. When you don’t know what’s going on, so I can totally understand and relate to how some of you guys are feeling you want to know what’s going on, but the reality is Ava and Zoe are the most important thing to me and I feel like the only Two people who really really deserve an explanation is Ava and Zoe and they’re not old enough for that explanation. Now – and I don’t want them to have that explanation – to hear that explanation until the day that they are old enough and ready to hear it. And and if I talk about it online, then they’re just gonna be able to google it one day. And that’s not fair on them, and so that’s why I’m not going to be talking about this going forward. I understand that people are gonna continue, making up just horrible rumors, which sucks it sucks being on the end of those rumors, especially when they’re not true. But at the end of the day that the kids are much more important to me and – and I did put myself in a situation where I’m in the public eye – I put my life out there and I I kind of understand that one of the pitfalls of That is people when you are going through a rough time. There are going to be those those people who do talk negatively about you. Although, on the flip side, I have been very, very lucky and blessed to have so many supportive people, people reach out to me, and just just let me know that they care and care about the entire family, and that’s that’s been really amazing. There are you know just that that small group of people who they don’t really think of me as a person, they think of me as just a character on a youtube reality show and that’s why it’s so easy for them to just be horrible, but I’m not Letting that get to me I’ve got much more important things to worry about in my life, so that’s just all, just whatever the people who are important, the people who know the real me they know my heart and – and that’s all that’s really important to me at This point in my life but yeah I am I’m putting myself back on YouTube. It’s a little bit nerve-wracking. It’s a little bit scary, I’m not even gonna lie like I’m. I’m pretty nervous, but at the same time I’m excited to be back I’m excited to interact with you guys again because that’s been one of my favorite parts of being a youtuber, the whole community getting to know you guys getting to meet you guys when you come and say hi on the street chatting with you guys in the comments And that’s something that I’m looking forward to doing again is you guys could probably hear that’s Louis snoring over over there Louis stays here with me.
Well, so I’d love to get you guys more involved in the channel going forward So if there’s anything Please feel free to leave some suggestions in the comments and I can completely understand that and I’m gonna leave links to Nikki’s, Instagram and Nikki’s YouTube channel in the description If you guys want to follow her journey as well, I understand a lot of you Guys will want to do that, so those links are going to be in the description box I would really really appreciate that thatwould mean the world to me It’s something that I love doing just making Videos again is, is me feeling some kind of normalcy in my life again, which is kind of crazy, but it’s something I’ve been doing for about eight years So to me this, this is normal For me, this is not just normal It’s my artistic expression, it’s something that I’m passionate about, something that I love I love putting positivity out into the world as well It’s something that’s really important to me So I’m excited about being back I’m gonna be uploading three times a week back to the old schedule, Wednesday friday-sunday, 6 am Australian time so, depending where you are in the world that may end up being Tuesday, Thursday Saturday It depends where you are not can be a little bit confusing at times, but just yet turn on your notifications hit the bell and you’ll get the notification My first one will be coming out on Wednesday It’s a really fun vlog that I did with GoPro They took me on a really amazing adventure, so I’m excited to share that with you guys I just really appreciate your support and even the people who don’t stick around I appreciate the support that you’ve given me throughout the years as well, because the reality is without all of you guys I wouldn’t be where I am today You guys have provided so many opportunities for me and it’s something that I’ve never took for granted, and I just want to let you know that even if you don’t stick around, I still do appreciate you guys everyone who’s been involved in supporting this channel over the Years anyway, I’ll see you guys on Wednesday bye

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